The following poems were given to me by a homeless man in Boston. He asked me to post them on the Internet for him. He wanted to sell us his collection of poems, but neither Todd nor I had any cash (which turned out to be a good thing some times). So he gave us each three sheets of paper with a poem typed on each. I will recreate them as best as Blogger will let me.
P.S. - These were translated from some other language.
That's What I Need Everyday
After God's name, we need to call God's name
I'm sure, for sure, God has many nice names in many nice different
languages
I love God, I love God's names
Hey! Ali Oscar Nikoonejad, you know something, man? I'm talking to you.
Yes, I'm talking to myself. I don't want to teach anybody, I don't want to
judge anybody
Sometimes, I need to go to church, sometimes I need to go to mosque, it
doesn't matter
Yes, I need to pray everyday, I need exercise everyday, I need to calm down,
I need to take it easy everyday, I need to take a shower everyday, I need to
show people nice face everyday, I need to talk nice to people everyday, I
need good food, I need good juice everyday.
Never ever, I don't need cigarettes, never ever, I don't need liquor, never
ever, I don't need drugs, either.
Yes, my friend, I don't need drugs, I need good food, I need good juice, I
need fruit, I need vegetables everyday.
Please, take it easy
God bless me and you everyday
God bless this time and this generation
God bless your next time and next generation
Amen
Wake Up Today, Follow Tomorrow
After one says "Thank you god", we need the help from God.
We need to ask for help, for help, from God.
You know that, my friend, that is true.
And I like you, I love God.
Hey buddy, if you make mistake today, if you do something bad today,
Relax, calm down, what happened has happened.
Everything will be alright.
You just need to take care of yourself.
For sure I need to take care of myself.
I need to say "God bless me and you", and "God bless all, everyone"
Amen
Yes my friend, back to your yesterday, your clean day, your pray day
You know that, my friend
For one living better, everyday is pray day.
Yes my buddy, back to yesterday and follow your tomorrow.
Please, please trust God and trust tomorrow.
Make yourself smart, make yourself intelligent for tomorrow from today.
Trust me, everyday is a good day
My partner, have a good day
If you make mistake, fix your mistake.
What has happened has happened, forget about it.
And please don't forget to pray.
Stay strong.
Yes, God bless.
Amen, that's all.
Young Time
After God's Name, We need to call God's name
I love God, I love God's name
If I pick up one drink,
One drink, make me one bad person
If I smoking one cigarette,
One cigarette make me one bad person
If I use heroin or cocaine
This stuff makes me very very bad person
Hey, I'm talking to you young people
Please check this out if you will,
Please understand me
Hey, My Buddy, you know something,
My young time, my Gold time, my Diamond time,
Is Gone for Nothing
My Friend, My Buddy, please understand me
Cigarette is nothing
Marijuana is nothing
Opium and Heroin, and stuff like that,
Outside the Pharmacy and outside the Hospital is nothing
Repeat Again,
Check, Check, Check this out if you will
Liquor kill everything
Hey I'm talking to you young people
Please Don't Kill your everything,
God Bless this time and this generation
God Bless your next time and next generation
Amen
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Friday, March 05, 2010
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Monday, March 01, 2010
spent the afternoon applying for jobs with abe. i would say that 'job searching' is my least favorite activity in life. i have become a pessimist about it. i've spent over a year searching for a job and applying for things that i think i'm probably not qualified for. the jobs that i am qualified for just don't seem to be there. the ones that are left are a few steps above my experience level. but i apply anyway. maybe they'll give an inexperienced person a chance in exchange for a lower-paid employee.
i did find several positions today though. ones that are pretty similar to what i used to do. ones that i maybe could get if they just give me an interview. further on down the line, there's some teacher assistant positions opening up at a charter school in morrisville. no teacher certification needed. it would be a great foot in the door for that career. and from what i've heard from the teacher i know there, it would be a great place to work. a place to make a difference. but again, that's late-spring/summer...past the point of my unemployment benefits. although, my current balance on benefits might last me longer than i thought. maybe i could bridge the gap with a couple crap jobs, just until the assistant teaching position is available.
truck driving seemed glamorous, adventurous, promising. until i talked to abe about what it's really like, and from what i know from eric. i could do it, i know. it would be a paycheck, and i'm not ruling it out, if push comes to shove. but where do you go after truck driving. it's not something i would want to do forever. probably not more than a few years. then what? it would make for a confusing resume.
i'm not ruling it out. i'm just hitting the pavement extra hard so i don't have to go down that road if i don't have to.
ugh. boring post.
i'm starting a new knitting project. i'm making a toboggan. i'm going to make one for my friend todd, and one for me. i've made 12 scarves since i learned to knit. so now it's time to make a dozen hats?
and i figured out a workout schedule that i can live with. except i missed my bike ride today because i was job searching. bah!
i did find several positions today though. ones that are pretty similar to what i used to do. ones that i maybe could get if they just give me an interview. further on down the line, there's some teacher assistant positions opening up at a charter school in morrisville. no teacher certification needed. it would be a great foot in the door for that career. and from what i've heard from the teacher i know there, it would be a great place to work. a place to make a difference. but again, that's late-spring/summer...past the point of my unemployment benefits. although, my current balance on benefits might last me longer than i thought. maybe i could bridge the gap with a couple crap jobs, just until the assistant teaching position is available.
truck driving seemed glamorous, adventurous, promising. until i talked to abe about what it's really like, and from what i know from eric. i could do it, i know. it would be a paycheck, and i'm not ruling it out, if push comes to shove. but where do you go after truck driving. it's not something i would want to do forever. probably not more than a few years. then what? it would make for a confusing resume.
i'm not ruling it out. i'm just hitting the pavement extra hard so i don't have to go down that road if i don't have to.
ugh. boring post.
i'm starting a new knitting project. i'm making a toboggan. i'm going to make one for my friend todd, and one for me. i've made 12 scarves since i learned to knit. so now it's time to make a dozen hats?
and i figured out a workout schedule that i can live with. except i missed my bike ride today because i was job searching. bah!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
"i've thought of this from a hundred different directions..."
why is it that my computer insists on installing updates, then "gives me the option" to restart now or restart later? 'restart now' means stopping everything you're working on and waiting for the computer to restart. 'restart later' means "i'm going to ask you the same question again in 3 minutes." the options should be 'restart' or 'don't restart'.
i've never once in all my years of owning computers restarted my computer after an update and been blown away by the difference that that new "update" has brought. in fact, i've never noticed a difference at all.
and still, the yellow shield icon with the black exclamation point awaits me at the bottom of the screen. bah!
anyway, i'm feeling good. i'm listening to Pictures and Sound, and feeling pretty relaxed after a 12-mile bike ride on the crabtree greenway. starting out, i thought i was going to regret wearing shorts, because it was a little chilly. but then i remembered a lesson i learned in cross country: if you're cold, push yourself harder. exercise warms you up.
i crossed 44,444 miles yesterday in the corolla. i guess i've had it about a year and a half now, and i've never regretted buying it. except maybe a little when the next model after mine they included an audio jack for mp3 players. and in the short time i've owned 'Yota, i can't even remember how many times i've received mailers from Toyota asking me to come in and buy a new car from them. Really?....really?
i've been trying to do more paintings. here's the beginnings of a couple new ones. i'm not finished with them, but they're one their way.
in other news, my electric tortilla press arrived today. they say once you have freshly made tortillas, you'll never go back to the packaged ones again. i agree. and with a little effort in the kitchen, it's cheaper to make your own. 2 cups (corn) flour, 1.25 cups water, a little salt. flatten and cook in a pan. and if you want to make tostadas or even chips, just pull them out of the pan once they've cooked a little, cut them up like a pizza, throw some oil in the pan, and fry them till they're crispy and brown. sprinkle with salt and call yourself don juan cocinador. :)
actually, now i'm anxious to get home and try it out... better wrap up and get out of this coffee shop!
i've never once in all my years of owning computers restarted my computer after an update and been blown away by the difference that that new "update" has brought. in fact, i've never noticed a difference at all.
and still, the yellow shield icon with the black exclamation point awaits me at the bottom of the screen. bah!
anyway, i'm feeling good. i'm listening to Pictures and Sound, and feeling pretty relaxed after a 12-mile bike ride on the crabtree greenway. starting out, i thought i was going to regret wearing shorts, because it was a little chilly. but then i remembered a lesson i learned in cross country: if you're cold, push yourself harder. exercise warms you up.
i crossed 44,444 miles yesterday in the corolla. i guess i've had it about a year and a half now, and i've never regretted buying it. except maybe a little when the next model after mine they included an audio jack for mp3 players. and in the short time i've owned 'Yota, i can't even remember how many times i've received mailers from Toyota asking me to come in and buy a new car from them. Really?....really?
i've been trying to do more paintings. here's the beginnings of a couple new ones. i'm not finished with them, but they're one their way.
in other news, my electric tortilla press arrived today. they say once you have freshly made tortillas, you'll never go back to the packaged ones again. i agree. and with a little effort in the kitchen, it's cheaper to make your own. 2 cups (corn) flour, 1.25 cups water, a little salt. flatten and cook in a pan. and if you want to make tostadas or even chips, just pull them out of the pan once they've cooked a little, cut them up like a pizza, throw some oil in the pan, and fry them till they're crispy and brown. sprinkle with salt and call yourself don juan cocinador. :)
actually, now i'm anxious to get home and try it out... better wrap up and get out of this coffee shop!
Monday, February 08, 2010
Each poem a momentary madness,
and the unreal is the realist.
-lawrence ferlinghetti, 1975
now, i like ferlinghetti a lot of the time, but i think this statement from his book poetry as insurgent art is just incorrect. while the poetry flying from the expressive mouths of the beat poets often appears to be drug-induced madness (maybe it actually is at times), it doesn't have to be madness to be poetry.
listen to neruda read some of his passionate love poems. his tone is one of a tired old man, a lazy, disinterested reader of someone else's work. and not only neruda. even ginsberg reads some of his poems with almost a sad sentimentality, or as if he were skimming through the headlines on the daily paper. search youtube for recordings of the "classic" poets (ts eliot, wordsworth, william carlos williams, etc.). you'll often find very monotone recitations that are almost haunting in sound. but the tone of the reading is not the only thing that would qualify a poem as "madness". the word choice of the beat poets is often sporadic, ultra-expressive, seemingly impulsive. the extreme beat poets even seem to be word-o-philes, juxtaposing words and trying to create meaning and images from a mosaic of words. which is fine.
i'm just saying, that's not the only way to write a poem.
so, sorry ferlinghetti. you don't have to be a lunatic to be a poet. sometimes the most striking poem can be a clear expression of an uneventful, mundane, universally-applicable reality.
...and just because i came across it, and i want to post it here...here's pablo neruda reading his poem "explico algunas cosas." the first minute or so is neruda explaining why he wrote the poem--he says that people were asking him why his poetry had turned so political in response to the spanish civil war, why he doesn't write about birds and flowers and love and metaphysics, like he used to. the title of the poem means "i am explaining a few things." in the poem, he starts of by saying, "You will ask me: and where are the lilies....etc...I'm going to tell you what happened." He then describes Spain as it was before the war: a wonderful place where he lived with his friends and neighbors. Then the war starts and there is bloody chaos, "the blood of children flowing in the streets, simply, the way that the blood of children flows."
He ends by saying, basically, "You want to know why i don't write about dreams and leaves and the volcanoes of my homeland [which was Chile]..."
Then he repeats three times: "Venid a ver la sangre por las calles [Trans: Come and see the blood in the streets]."
Ah, one of my favorites!
and the unreal is the realist.
-lawrence ferlinghetti, 1975
now, i like ferlinghetti a lot of the time, but i think this statement from his book poetry as insurgent art is just incorrect. while the poetry flying from the expressive mouths of the beat poets often appears to be drug-induced madness (maybe it actually is at times), it doesn't have to be madness to be poetry.
listen to neruda read some of his passionate love poems. his tone is one of a tired old man, a lazy, disinterested reader of someone else's work. and not only neruda. even ginsberg reads some of his poems with almost a sad sentimentality, or as if he were skimming through the headlines on the daily paper. search youtube for recordings of the "classic" poets (ts eliot, wordsworth, william carlos williams, etc.). you'll often find very monotone recitations that are almost haunting in sound. but the tone of the reading is not the only thing that would qualify a poem as "madness". the word choice of the beat poets is often sporadic, ultra-expressive, seemingly impulsive. the extreme beat poets even seem to be word-o-philes, juxtaposing words and trying to create meaning and images from a mosaic of words. which is fine.
i'm just saying, that's not the only way to write a poem.
so, sorry ferlinghetti. you don't have to be a lunatic to be a poet. sometimes the most striking poem can be a clear expression of an uneventful, mundane, universally-applicable reality.
...and just because i came across it, and i want to post it here...here's pablo neruda reading his poem "explico algunas cosas." the first minute or so is neruda explaining why he wrote the poem--he says that people were asking him why his poetry had turned so political in response to the spanish civil war, why he doesn't write about birds and flowers and love and metaphysics, like he used to. the title of the poem means "i am explaining a few things." in the poem, he starts of by saying, "You will ask me: and where are the lilies....etc...I'm going to tell you what happened." He then describes Spain as it was before the war: a wonderful place where he lived with his friends and neighbors. Then the war starts and there is bloody chaos, "the blood of children flowing in the streets, simply, the way that the blood of children flows."
He ends by saying, basically, "You want to know why i don't write about dreams and leaves and the volcanoes of my homeland [which was Chile]..."
Then he repeats three times: "Venid a ver la sangre por las calles [Trans: Come and see the blood in the streets]."
Ah, one of my favorites!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
2:32am. googled myself.
among other things, i found my finishing time for my very first cross country meet in high school. it was the first time i ever ran...well, that far, for one, but also with the team. i hadn't even been to a practice. i just showed up to the meet and followed the pack. until the end, when everyone had finished, and i was slightly lost on the trail.
my time was 28 minutes, 43 seconds. that's about a 9min 15sec mile pace. not too bad to start out with...with no training.
the guy who finished one place ahead of me finished with a time of 26mins 45secs.
so for about two minutes, i was running through the woods, completely alone. haha.
kind of funny, now that i think about it.
thanks, Google, for cementing that memory into space and time.
by the end of the season, my best time was 21 minutes and something.
among other things, i found my finishing time for my very first cross country meet in high school. it was the first time i ever ran...well, that far, for one, but also with the team. i hadn't even been to a practice. i just showed up to the meet and followed the pack. until the end, when everyone had finished, and i was slightly lost on the trail.
my time was 28 minutes, 43 seconds. that's about a 9min 15sec mile pace. not too bad to start out with...with no training.
the guy who finished one place ahead of me finished with a time of 26mins 45secs.
so for about two minutes, i was running through the woods, completely alone. haha.
kind of funny, now that i think about it.
thanks, Google, for cementing that memory into space and time.
by the end of the season, my best time was 21 minutes and something.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
i got those sit down,
can't cry,
oh Lord,
gonna die blues.
-richie havens
this past sunday, i was talking with my old roommate, chris rose. he was in town from kernersville to hang out with charlie, steph, liz, and me. well, we were talking about the job market and jobs we were looking into, and he mentioned the idea of driving an 18-wheeler. i thought about it for a little bit, and decided it's probably something i could do pretty well. i love to drive and listen to music....why not get paid to do it? so on monday i applied to Swift Transportation Inc. online. on tuesday, i got an automated phone call saying that i seem like a great candidate for the job, and to call such-and-such number to set up an interview. which i did. so now i'm just waiting to hear back from them.
if i do it, i'll obviously need to get my CDL. i've never really driven a stick-shift vehicle. only once, actually. but i know the theory of it. and i have a brother, a good friend, and a good friend's uncle who all have experience and can give me advice.
plus, i've heard you can make really good money at it, if you're smart, and i think i'm at least slightly smart.
i've always loved road trips. i could look at this job as one big road trip. if i get it, i really look forward to getting out, making a living, supporting myself again (getting off unemployment), and seeing the country. i've heard good and bad stories about the truck-driving life, but i've been thinking about if for almost three days straight, imagining what it would be like and trying to decide if i would like it or not. i think i would. i'm a safe driver, and i think it's something i could do for a couple years. then i could get a local route, delivering...oh, i don't know...Q-tips, all across the state of north carolina.
this job, of course, would be a divergence from what i studied in college.
oh well.
charlie and i were watching a documentary on Woodstock the other day. the following is a part of what i saw:
richie havens - "handsome johnny"
later, when he plays the song "freedom", you see that he has no top teeth, and only about three or four on the bottom. crazy. (my guess would be that some form of drug use made him lose his teeth).
i've been listening to richie havens all afternoon...
can't cry,
oh Lord,
gonna die blues.
-richie havens
this past sunday, i was talking with my old roommate, chris rose. he was in town from kernersville to hang out with charlie, steph, liz, and me. well, we were talking about the job market and jobs we were looking into, and he mentioned the idea of driving an 18-wheeler. i thought about it for a little bit, and decided it's probably something i could do pretty well. i love to drive and listen to music....why not get paid to do it? so on monday i applied to Swift Transportation Inc. online. on tuesday, i got an automated phone call saying that i seem like a great candidate for the job, and to call such-and-such number to set up an interview. which i did. so now i'm just waiting to hear back from them.
if i do it, i'll obviously need to get my CDL. i've never really driven a stick-shift vehicle. only once, actually. but i know the theory of it. and i have a brother, a good friend, and a good friend's uncle who all have experience and can give me advice.
plus, i've heard you can make really good money at it, if you're smart, and i think i'm at least slightly smart.
i've always loved road trips. i could look at this job as one big road trip. if i get it, i really look forward to getting out, making a living, supporting myself again (getting off unemployment), and seeing the country. i've heard good and bad stories about the truck-driving life, but i've been thinking about if for almost three days straight, imagining what it would be like and trying to decide if i would like it or not. i think i would. i'm a safe driver, and i think it's something i could do for a couple years. then i could get a local route, delivering...oh, i don't know...Q-tips, all across the state of north carolina.
this job, of course, would be a divergence from what i studied in college.
oh well.
charlie and i were watching a documentary on Woodstock the other day. the following is a part of what i saw:
richie havens - "handsome johnny"
later, when he plays the song "freedom", you see that he has no top teeth, and only about three or four on the bottom. crazy. (my guess would be that some form of drug use made him lose his teeth).
i've been listening to richie havens all afternoon...
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
My friend drew stroik is making me proud. He's been recording with a producer in New York, and I like what I'm hearing. This is a video they shot for one of his songs. Word is that the girl in the video also sings and writes music, and they're trying to get her in the band. Watch out for this guy in the next Michael Cera movie.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Saturday, January 09, 2010
01.9.10
and I will go if you ask me to
I will stay if you dare
and if I go I'm goin on fire
last night, i watched the curious case of benjamin button with my brother. it was a good, somewhat thought-provoking movie. at it's roots, it was a sci-fi movie. maybe most people wouldn't realize that, but it had elements of mysticism and magic; surreality. overall, it was a good movie. it made me really think about the concept of life and death.
and today, i watched stranger than fiction, which had the same effect on me.
To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil.
in other, lighter news, i've discovered (been told about, really) the amazingness of www.grooveshark.com.
i think there is a pepsi vs. coke, chevy vs. ford, republican vs. democrat, Blogspot vs. Wordpress battle going on between Grooveshark and Pandora.com. so which is the better site to visit for all your free streaming music needs? each man and woman must answer that question for themselves, but i'm beginning to think Grooveshark is better, as long as you know what you want to listen to.
pandora's pro:
you type in a band or song, and it does the work for you, selecting similar artists or songs. this allows you to find new music you like.
pandora's con:
you can't control what you listen to exactly, and there's a limited number of times you can skip over songs you don't like. (and if you're a pandora addict, you'll find there's a limited number of hours per month that you can use pandora for free.)
grooveshark's pro:
you can search for and select the songs you want to listen to, adding them to playlists that you can create and save to your free profile. make your own mixes. listen to the song you want to hear on pandora but have to wait for while listening to other songs like it.
grooveshark's con:
there might be a radio function (for a fee?), but i haven't looked into it much. this means you have to take the time to build your own playlists. it's not touch and go like pandora. but like i said, if you know what you want, you can get it.
i've created a gregory alan isakov playlist already. he's who i love to listen to while writing.
what do you all think?
in other news, i went running today at lake johnson. it was "mighty cold." 25 degrees, i think. i only ran about half the time. it was hard to breathe, and i haven't exactly been exercising a lot lately. but it was good to get out, and i had a good time with my running buddy.
well, time to wrap it up and help Abe study.
I will stay if you dare
and if I go I'm goin on fire
last night, i watched the curious case of benjamin button with my brother. it was a good, somewhat thought-provoking movie. at it's roots, it was a sci-fi movie. maybe most people wouldn't realize that, but it had elements of mysticism and magic; surreality. overall, it was a good movie. it made me really think about the concept of life and death.
and today, i watched stranger than fiction, which had the same effect on me.
To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil.
in other, lighter news, i've discovered (been told about, really) the amazingness of www.grooveshark.com.
i think there is a pepsi vs. coke, chevy vs. ford, republican vs. democrat, Blogspot vs. Wordpress battle going on between Grooveshark and Pandora.com. so which is the better site to visit for all your free streaming music needs? each man and woman must answer that question for themselves, but i'm beginning to think Grooveshark is better, as long as you know what you want to listen to.
pandora's pro:
you type in a band or song, and it does the work for you, selecting similar artists or songs. this allows you to find new music you like.
pandora's con:
you can't control what you listen to exactly, and there's a limited number of times you can skip over songs you don't like. (and if you're a pandora addict, you'll find there's a limited number of hours per month that you can use pandora for free.)
grooveshark's pro:
you can search for and select the songs you want to listen to, adding them to playlists that you can create and save to your free profile. make your own mixes. listen to the song you want to hear on pandora but have to wait for while listening to other songs like it.
grooveshark's con:
there might be a radio function (for a fee?), but i haven't looked into it much. this means you have to take the time to build your own playlists. it's not touch and go like pandora. but like i said, if you know what you want, you can get it.
i've created a gregory alan isakov playlist already. he's who i love to listen to while writing.
what do you all think?
in other news, i went running today at lake johnson. it was "mighty cold." 25 degrees, i think. i only ran about half the time. it was hard to breathe, and i haven't exactly been exercising a lot lately. but it was good to get out, and i had a good time with my running buddy.
well, time to wrap it up and help Abe study.
Friday, January 01, 2010
año nuevo
january 1, 2010. the new year is here. not that 2010 cares much that it is a year, or that it is here. personification of a calendar event, that's sort of strange if you think about it. and somehow it inspires a lot of things to happen. one of these things is that people feel the need to redefine themselves in certain ways. "i'm going to be a person who does X; i'm not going to be a person who does Y." january 1st rolls around and people start with the lists, the new rules, the goals and promises.
of course, i have my own list of self-promises. but i'm not going to list them. they can be summed up in one phrase: "fit again in twenty ten." so anything that benefits my personal, spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional health is what i'm going to do. also, the opposite applies. i'm making it just that simple; before i act, i'll answer this question: "is this good or bad for me?" i guess i could add a second question too: "is there something better that i could be doing?"
i don't think make a list of resolutions is a bad thing. it works for some people. it just has never worked for me. it's like the discussion of the Law in Romans, sort of. the Law comes and reveals sin. the resolutions come and reveal lack of willpower. so i think it's better for me to focus on a spirit of improvement. i have plenty of room for improvement.
my flatbread recipe:
2 1/2 cups hot water
1/4 tsp salt
2 lbs all-purpose flour
1-2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 packet active yeast
1/2 cup corn flour
In a large mixing bowl:
1.) mix hot water and salt until salt dissolves
2.) mix in all-purpose flour progressively until it forms a dough
3.) mix in active yeast thoroughly
4.) mix in extra virgin olive oil
5.) mix in corn flour
6.) knead with hands until all ingredients are mixed
7.) add more flour if the dough is too soft/sticky to roll into balls
8.) makes 14-17 balls of dough
On a well-floured surface:
9.) flatten (i use a slightly-floured plate) a dough ball
10.) use a rolling pin to flatten dough to 1/8 inch thickness, ~8 inch width
11.) place dough in a hot, un-greased frying pan, flipping regularly to keep from burning. slightly browned is fine.
TIPS: i use a soup spoon to mix all the dough ingredients. i keep a pile of flour near where i'm rolling out the dough so i can keep the surface well-floured. i keep bread cooking in the pan while i'm rolling out more.
this recipe takes a while. start to finish, it took me about 3 hours to make 16.
of course, i have my own list of self-promises. but i'm not going to list them. they can be summed up in one phrase: "fit again in twenty ten." so anything that benefits my personal, spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional health is what i'm going to do. also, the opposite applies. i'm making it just that simple; before i act, i'll answer this question: "is this good or bad for me?" i guess i could add a second question too: "is there something better that i could be doing?"
i don't think make a list of resolutions is a bad thing. it works for some people. it just has never worked for me. it's like the discussion of the Law in Romans, sort of. the Law comes and reveals sin. the resolutions come and reveal lack of willpower. so i think it's better for me to focus on a spirit of improvement. i have plenty of room for improvement.
my flatbread recipe:
2 1/2 cups hot water
1/4 tsp salt
2 lbs all-purpose flour
1-2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 packet active yeast
1/2 cup corn flour
In a large mixing bowl:
1.) mix hot water and salt until salt dissolves
2.) mix in all-purpose flour progressively until it forms a dough
3.) mix in active yeast thoroughly
4.) mix in extra virgin olive oil
5.) mix in corn flour
6.) knead with hands until all ingredients are mixed
7.) add more flour if the dough is too soft/sticky to roll into balls
8.) makes 14-17 balls of dough
On a well-floured surface:
9.) flatten (i use a slightly-floured plate) a dough ball
10.) use a rolling pin to flatten dough to 1/8 inch thickness, ~8 inch width
11.) place dough in a hot, un-greased frying pan, flipping regularly to keep from burning. slightly browned is fine.
TIPS: i use a soup spoon to mix all the dough ingredients. i keep a pile of flour near where i'm rolling out the dough so i can keep the surface well-floured. i keep bread cooking in the pan while i'm rolling out more.
this recipe takes a while. start to finish, it took me about 3 hours to make 16.
Monday, December 21, 2009
in passing
last night in new york. i like this place. steph's mom, marina, mentioned taking over my apartment, and me moving to ny. i don't know if jobs would be any easier to find here. but snow during christmas time feels right.
i'm looking forward to seeing my family in two days.
i'm looking forward to the new year. if certain things line up, it's going to be a good year. well, it will be good either way, just like this year was good in spite of all the sawdust and carnage.
on the flight home, i'll be reading Romans and ferlinghetti.
i'm looking forward to seeing my family in two days.
i'm looking forward to the new year. if certain things line up, it's going to be a good year. well, it will be good either way, just like this year was good in spite of all the sawdust and carnage.
on the flight home, i'll be reading Romans and ferlinghetti.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
puzzles and answers
ok, so my first week of "self-education" was a failure. somehow i managed to get busy with other things, and didn't do a bit of "studying". but i did make progress on my new scarf, learned how to make tortillas (from a recipe on a bag of flour), and rearranged my apartment. just by moving some things out of the living room, it feels more open, more like i wanted it to feel. i like the way that organizing a room is like solving a rubix cube sometimes.
i've also started on what i will call a "construction paper wall mural". i needed some decoration in my living room. after rearranging my furniture, i had an open wall that needed something special. i didn't want to do anything so permanent as painting, so i came up with this idea. i'm using colored paper as my paint. it's going to be a simple, time-consuming job, but i think it will add a good amount of color to the room. plus, i already had all the supplies, so i don't have to spend any money doing it. what will it look like? well, i have green, red, orange, and yellow paper. there will be grass blades. there will be sun rays. on the backdrop of the wall (the "canvas"), it will have a linear, mosaic feel to it.
well, abe told me to put some color in my place, so that's what i've come up with.
tomorrow night i'll be heading to new york with some friends. we'll be in rochester, visiting with steph's mom and grandparents, Nonna and Nonno (they're Italian), and visiting the local Wegman's. good food, travel adventures, maybe snow. last year it took us like an hour or two to clear off their driveway.
for some reason, one of the things i like so much about the north is all the pine trees. i know i shouldn't be saying that, because i love to see leaves changing colors in the fall, and turning green in the spring. but there's something fresh about the pines. maybe it's my mental association between pines and crisp northern air in the fall/winter. maybe a bit of nostalgia: my grandma's front yard is lined with pines.
i'm helping abe study for his interview for the US foreign service. the questions we went over yesterday were all hypothetical situations that he had to respond to, such as...
you just received a phone call from the wife of a US journalist. she said that her husband traveled to your host country on an assignment and she hasn't heard from him in three days. what do you do?
(follow-up questions)
-local officials have found the mutilated body of a man, and the dental records confirm it is the body of the US journalist. what do you do?
-an autopsy shows that the journalist died of stab wounds, but the local police claim that the man was killed by a wild animal. what do you do?
it would be a challenging and interesting job, i think, representing America and it's citizens in another country, working as a go-between in some really difficult situations.
i don't have much to write about today. obviously.
i've also started on what i will call a "construction paper wall mural". i needed some decoration in my living room. after rearranging my furniture, i had an open wall that needed something special. i didn't want to do anything so permanent as painting, so i came up with this idea. i'm using colored paper as my paint. it's going to be a simple, time-consuming job, but i think it will add a good amount of color to the room. plus, i already had all the supplies, so i don't have to spend any money doing it. what will it look like? well, i have green, red, orange, and yellow paper. there will be grass blades. there will be sun rays. on the backdrop of the wall (the "canvas"), it will have a linear, mosaic feel to it.
well, abe told me to put some color in my place, so that's what i've come up with.
tomorrow night i'll be heading to new york with some friends. we'll be in rochester, visiting with steph's mom and grandparents, Nonna and Nonno (they're Italian), and visiting the local Wegman's. good food, travel adventures, maybe snow. last year it took us like an hour or two to clear off their driveway.
for some reason, one of the things i like so much about the north is all the pine trees. i know i shouldn't be saying that, because i love to see leaves changing colors in the fall, and turning green in the spring. but there's something fresh about the pines. maybe it's my mental association between pines and crisp northern air in the fall/winter. maybe a bit of nostalgia: my grandma's front yard is lined with pines.
i'm helping abe study for his interview for the US foreign service. the questions we went over yesterday were all hypothetical situations that he had to respond to, such as...
you just received a phone call from the wife of a US journalist. she said that her husband traveled to your host country on an assignment and she hasn't heard from him in three days. what do you do?
(follow-up questions)
-local officials have found the mutilated body of a man, and the dental records confirm it is the body of the US journalist. what do you do?
-an autopsy shows that the journalist died of stab wounds, but the local police claim that the man was killed by a wild animal. what do you do?
it would be a challenging and interesting job, i think, representing America and it's citizens in another country, working as a go-between in some really difficult situations.
i don't have much to write about today. obviously.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
back to school
i've been considering going back to school for some time. i've recently made my own plan to educate myself for the time being--that is, until i can figure out the details of enrolling somewhere. i've written on my whiteboard several areas of study: history, english literature, spanish literature, art, physical education, science, and religion. next to each of these is the title of a book in that area. seven subjects, seven days of the week.
so classes start tomorrow at "baymar university". when i'm not looking for work, i'll be in "class". i've already started reading several of the books, so i guess i'm a little ahead. i just need to figure out how i can make the most of this, and not just read these books, though that would be an accomplishment in itself. maybe this blog will be where i write my "papers".
todd says: "there's so much to try to learn, and the effort is actually good in itself! hardly anything is good in itself!"
usher says: "there's two kinds of work: hard work and heart work. this would be heart work."
in other news, i bought an axe. i'm really excited about owning an axe. i haven't used it yet. it was dreary this weekend, and i also had the thought that it would be better to wait until most of the people in my apartment are at work on monday. i don't wait to disturb anyone. and i don't want to have the cops called on me for being a "madman brandishing an axe." you know, safety first. but now that i have an axe, i'll be able to "acquire" firewood, saving me money on heating, and also giving me something else to fill my time with.
strangely, though, when i'm driving by woods or see a bunch of dead trees...i yearn, as george castanza would say. i want to chop them up and burn them in my fireplace. it's a funny thing, really. i see a big dead tree and i think to myself, "man, that would really burn." or i'll see fallen branches and want to start gathering kindling.
i'm also halfway done with knitting my scarf. i had been half done with it before, but it....um...failed. i think i started picking up stitches and missing things, and eventually it looked like a snake swallowing a rabbit. so i took it all apart and started over. i'd say it's taken me about 7 hours so far. hopefully the second half will go faster, because i think i'm getting better and faster at it.
i'm going to new york again, later this month, right before christmas. charlie and steph bought me a one-way ticket from rochester to raleigh (the reason i can afford to go), so i'm going on a little pre-holiday adventure! i just hope that it's not as cold as last time i went to ny. i mean, the snow is nice and fun, but walking around new york city during a snowstorm, with wet feet...i'm just saying i hope it's a little warmer this time. and after i get back, i don't think i work at the bucks for a while, so i'll get to be in high point for a while :)
i've decided that i'm going to go back to thrift store shopping for shirts. i found three this weekend. people who know me know that i wear the same three or four shirts in a predictable rotation. HA! well, one shirt (my favorite) was ruined in the wash recently. i knew i need more, but i honestly hate buying clothes anymore. even Target wants $20 for one freakin' shirt. well, i say no to that. i got three for $10, and honestly, they're decent shirts in good condition. the trick is to find shirts that some yuppy donated because he wanted new ones.
i don't know. i'm just really into frugality right now. i remind myself of what i read in thoreau's walden, but i'm not trying to be thoreau. he lived in a different time and place. i just don't feel like throwing money away. when i think of paying $20 or more for a single shirt, i think, "that could buy a lot of food if you get the right things. that could almost buy a tank of gas. that could pay x or y bill."
they say that you turn into your parents. i think i see that happening to me in some ways, and i'm glad about that. my parents are wonderful people who raised five kids.
i think i'm starting to understand what that took.
i wish frederico garcia lorca had been more realistic in his poetry. i think i would like him more as a poet. the works i've read of his seem to be great sing-songy nursery rhyme sorts of poems. i wish he had a touch of neruda in his writing, was less formulaic, and used more imagery and fewer abstract/concept words. but that's just my current feelings on the man.
well, i'm hungry.
so classes start tomorrow at "baymar university". when i'm not looking for work, i'll be in "class". i've already started reading several of the books, so i guess i'm a little ahead. i just need to figure out how i can make the most of this, and not just read these books, though that would be an accomplishment in itself. maybe this blog will be where i write my "papers".
todd says: "there's so much to try to learn, and the effort is actually good in itself! hardly anything is good in itself!"
usher says: "there's two kinds of work: hard work and heart work. this would be heart work."
in other news, i bought an axe. i'm really excited about owning an axe. i haven't used it yet. it was dreary this weekend, and i also had the thought that it would be better to wait until most of the people in my apartment are at work on monday. i don't wait to disturb anyone. and i don't want to have the cops called on me for being a "madman brandishing an axe." you know, safety first. but now that i have an axe, i'll be able to "acquire" firewood, saving me money on heating, and also giving me something else to fill my time with.
strangely, though, when i'm driving by woods or see a bunch of dead trees...i yearn, as george castanza would say. i want to chop them up and burn them in my fireplace. it's a funny thing, really. i see a big dead tree and i think to myself, "man, that would really burn." or i'll see fallen branches and want to start gathering kindling.
i'm also halfway done with knitting my scarf. i had been half done with it before, but it....um...failed. i think i started picking up stitches and missing things, and eventually it looked like a snake swallowing a rabbit. so i took it all apart and started over. i'd say it's taken me about 7 hours so far. hopefully the second half will go faster, because i think i'm getting better and faster at it.
i'm going to new york again, later this month, right before christmas. charlie and steph bought me a one-way ticket from rochester to raleigh (the reason i can afford to go), so i'm going on a little pre-holiday adventure! i just hope that it's not as cold as last time i went to ny. i mean, the snow is nice and fun, but walking around new york city during a snowstorm, with wet feet...i'm just saying i hope it's a little warmer this time. and after i get back, i don't think i work at the bucks for a while, so i'll get to be in high point for a while :)
i've decided that i'm going to go back to thrift store shopping for shirts. i found three this weekend. people who know me know that i wear the same three or four shirts in a predictable rotation. HA! well, one shirt (my favorite) was ruined in the wash recently. i knew i need more, but i honestly hate buying clothes anymore. even Target wants $20 for one freakin' shirt. well, i say no to that. i got three for $10, and honestly, they're decent shirts in good condition. the trick is to find shirts that some yuppy donated because he wanted new ones.
i don't know. i'm just really into frugality right now. i remind myself of what i read in thoreau's walden, but i'm not trying to be thoreau. he lived in a different time and place. i just don't feel like throwing money away. when i think of paying $20 or more for a single shirt, i think, "that could buy a lot of food if you get the right things. that could almost buy a tank of gas. that could pay x or y bill."
they say that you turn into your parents. i think i see that happening to me in some ways, and i'm glad about that. my parents are wonderful people who raised five kids.
i think i'm starting to understand what that took.
i wish frederico garcia lorca had been more realistic in his poetry. i think i would like him more as a poet. the works i've read of his seem to be great sing-songy nursery rhyme sorts of poems. i wish he had a touch of neruda in his writing, was less formulaic, and used more imagery and fewer abstract/concept words. but that's just my current feelings on the man.
well, i'm hungry.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
generation me
i stole the title to this post from a comment my friend todd made to me. generation me, also known as the peter pan generation or the baby boom echo, is basically anyone born between 1970 and 1990. i hadn't heard the term before, but i've found many books and web sites about it. i think it's a very fitting description. but here's a question for you: has the technology we've gained over the past 20 or 30 years been used to feed our narcissism?
if so, i'd have to say that i'm not innocent of this. you could scroll down a few posts and find evidence of my own self-involvement. you could check my facebook status and ask yourself, "did anyone really need to read that?"
but are increased technologies and "social networks" causing narcissism?
for clarity, let's ask webster...
nar⋅cis⋅sism
/ˈnɑrsəˌsɪzɛm/ [nahr-suh-siz-em]
–noun
1. inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.
2. Psychoanalysis. erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.
well, i don't really want to deal with the area described by the second definition. but has blogging, twitter, facebook, myspace, etc. made our generation any more fascinated with "itself" than it would have been otherwise? have these things made us any more self-loving or vain?
or have they simply let us express that fascination, self-love, and vanity in a more obvious, public, and possibly far-reaching way?
i don't know what the answer is for sure, but i have a guess.
my guess is that i would be just as vain without my blog and my facebook account; instead of blogging, i'd be scribbling my madness into a moleskin journal. but, even knowing this, i will continue to write on my blog, even write about myself. for me, it is a way of record-keeping, of tracking where i've been in life. and it saves me a ton on moleskins.
but this "generation me" concept is sort of sobering, and embarrassing. i was so...glad(?)...when todd brought it up. he wrote:
"Childish, self-centered and completely of our generation. Generation me. Getting hurt sometimes is a part of all of us. You're not novel because of a newly professed apathy, just the status quo."
now, this statement was not directed at me, but it certainly could have been. i mean, it should have been. and todd is several years younger than i am.
so, i am grateful for my family and friends. recently, several have brought some really important ideas to light and given me some really good advice. i'm not laying down some anti-self-expression rule for my blog. i'm just saying...it's been an interesting thing to think about.
if so, i'd have to say that i'm not innocent of this. you could scroll down a few posts and find evidence of my own self-involvement. you could check my facebook status and ask yourself, "did anyone really need to read that?"
but are increased technologies and "social networks" causing narcissism?
for clarity, let's ask webster...
nar⋅cis⋅sism
/ˈnɑrsəˌsɪzɛm/ [nahr-suh-siz-em]
–noun
1. inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.
2. Psychoanalysis. erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.
well, i don't really want to deal with the area described by the second definition. but has blogging, twitter, facebook, myspace, etc. made our generation any more fascinated with "itself" than it would have been otherwise? have these things made us any more self-loving or vain?
or have they simply let us express that fascination, self-love, and vanity in a more obvious, public, and possibly far-reaching way?
i don't know what the answer is for sure, but i have a guess.
my guess is that i would be just as vain without my blog and my facebook account; instead of blogging, i'd be scribbling my madness into a moleskin journal. but, even knowing this, i will continue to write on my blog, even write about myself. for me, it is a way of record-keeping, of tracking where i've been in life. and it saves me a ton on moleskins.
but this "generation me" concept is sort of sobering, and embarrassing. i was so...glad(?)...when todd brought it up. he wrote:
"Childish, self-centered and completely of our generation. Generation me. Getting hurt sometimes is a part of all of us. You're not novel because of a newly professed apathy, just the status quo."
now, this statement was not directed at me, but it certainly could have been. i mean, it should have been. and todd is several years younger than i am.
so, i am grateful for my family and friends. recently, several have brought some really important ideas to light and given me some really good advice. i'm not laying down some anti-self-expression rule for my blog. i'm just saying...it's been an interesting thing to think about.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
voices across the pond
needles or thread
love me instead
dance to a cry for help
-a.j., "our time"
i've recently discovered my new favorite female singer. amanda jenssen, from sweden. i may have posted something on here about her before, i don't remember. both of her albums are spinning in my car these days.
sidenote: i'm going to try to listen to "foreign" music for a while. anyone know of other good, non-american artists?
amarula tree:
love me instead
dance to a cry for help
-a.j., "our time"
i've recently discovered my new favorite female singer. amanda jenssen, from sweden. i may have posted something on here about her before, i don't remember. both of her albums are spinning in my car these days.
sidenote: i'm going to try to listen to "foreign" music for a while. anyone know of other good, non-american artists?
amarula tree:
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
these days, they go to waste like wine
turned to turpentine
it's 6am and i'm all messed up
it is easier for me just to stay up, doing unimportant household chores. starting laundry, sweeping floors, wiping counters, cleaning the fireplace, scrubbing the toilet, drying clothes, organizing random things, taking inventory of food supplies, folding and hanging clothes, than to go to bed anymore.
3am is nothing. 4am is nothing.
the clocks on my walls tell me it's a certain time, but if i'm awake with things to do, what difference does it make? starbucks supports this manner of living, only shutting down for 8 hours every night. it started with me thinking, "4am is not an early time to get up." when you have to go to work, you have to go to work. you adjust, and adjust, and adjust, until the least of your worries is whether it is light or dark outside.
and so 5am and 6am is nothing. they are only chalk marks on a circular continuum. or rather, a sampled millisecond on a wavelength, since the earth does not spin in place, but orbits.
i've wiped the fostex digital recorder clean again. by wiped, i mean cut and pasted all the files into a folder on my laptop. song ideas i might never get around to looking into. these are simply the exhaled breaths that were remembered...not by me, but by zeros and ones on a flash drive.
so i've got more zeros and ones to fill.
got a call back from a job i applied for yesterday. she wanted more explanation about what i did as a copy editor. i explained what all i did, and she kept saying things like "is that all you did?"
made me want to say, "and is this all you do?"
my job may have been simple in terms of diversified tasks, but i definitely wouldn't say it was easy. we multi-tasked between numerous projects, performed to meet unreasonable deadlines and specifications, and all with a positive attitude.
i'm just sick of companies thinking that they and their product are God's gift to the world, and that no one could possibly be qualified to do the job in the position they're seeking to fill.
two years ago, i got a job straight out of college, zero experience. today, the recession has swollen the heads of employers to the point where, most of the time, i get queasy just thinking about working for them.
them and their expectations.
no one wants to have to train you.
eli whitney. cotton gin. interchangeable parts. one employee gets sick, or hurt on the job, let him go. hire someone else. and pay the new guy less because he's inexperienced.
geez, i could be a manager.
turned to turpentine
it's 6am and i'm all messed up
it is easier for me just to stay up, doing unimportant household chores. starting laundry, sweeping floors, wiping counters, cleaning the fireplace, scrubbing the toilet, drying clothes, organizing random things, taking inventory of food supplies, folding and hanging clothes, than to go to bed anymore.
3am is nothing. 4am is nothing.
the clocks on my walls tell me it's a certain time, but if i'm awake with things to do, what difference does it make? starbucks supports this manner of living, only shutting down for 8 hours every night. it started with me thinking, "4am is not an early time to get up." when you have to go to work, you have to go to work. you adjust, and adjust, and adjust, until the least of your worries is whether it is light or dark outside.
and so 5am and 6am is nothing. they are only chalk marks on a circular continuum. or rather, a sampled millisecond on a wavelength, since the earth does not spin in place, but orbits.
i've wiped the fostex digital recorder clean again. by wiped, i mean cut and pasted all the files into a folder on my laptop. song ideas i might never get around to looking into. these are simply the exhaled breaths that were remembered...not by me, but by zeros and ones on a flash drive.
so i've got more zeros and ones to fill.
got a call back from a job i applied for yesterday. she wanted more explanation about what i did as a copy editor. i explained what all i did, and she kept saying things like "is that all you did?"
made me want to say, "and is this all you do?"
my job may have been simple in terms of diversified tasks, but i definitely wouldn't say it was easy. we multi-tasked between numerous projects, performed to meet unreasonable deadlines and specifications, and all with a positive attitude.
i'm just sick of companies thinking that they and their product are God's gift to the world, and that no one could possibly be qualified to do the job in the position they're seeking to fill.
two years ago, i got a job straight out of college, zero experience. today, the recession has swollen the heads of employers to the point where, most of the time, i get queasy just thinking about working for them.
them and their expectations.
no one wants to have to train you.
eli whitney. cotton gin. interchangeable parts. one employee gets sick, or hurt on the job, let him go. hire someone else. and pay the new guy less because he's inexperienced.
geez, i could be a manager.
Monday, November 16, 2009
kiss off
i thought i'd write, i thought i'd let you know
in the year since you've been gone i've finally let you go
and i hope you find some time to drop a note
but if you won't
then you won't
and i will consider you gone
i saw a pattern, and i've learned the pattern. i understand what kind of man i am, and i know what that means for me. the adjectives that i own sometimes limit or disable me. sometimes they make me feel...just ok. but i'm not sure they've ever gotten me anywhere.
i ain't worried 'bout y'all
cause i'm already me
i shall not be a martyr. i shall not chase you down. i see the pattern in it all, the way nicole sees a comforting pattern in the universe in a single word. i see where i've been and what i can expect.
this is not about you, sorry.
this is about new info coming to light that is...just disappointing. i could have sworn there was a spark, but it turns out it was only a pattern. and i see it now.
ah well. i don't know why i even care.
in the year since you've been gone i've finally let you go
and i hope you find some time to drop a note
but if you won't
then you won't
and i will consider you gone
i saw a pattern, and i've learned the pattern. i understand what kind of man i am, and i know what that means for me. the adjectives that i own sometimes limit or disable me. sometimes they make me feel...just ok. but i'm not sure they've ever gotten me anywhere.
i ain't worried 'bout y'all
cause i'm already me
i shall not be a martyr. i shall not chase you down. i see the pattern in it all, the way nicole sees a comforting pattern in the universe in a single word. i see where i've been and what i can expect.
this is not about you, sorry.
this is about new info coming to light that is...just disappointing. i could have sworn there was a spark, but it turns out it was only a pattern. and i see it now.
ah well. i don't know why i even care.
Monday, November 09, 2009
from my childhood bedroom
i've forgotten what poetry is, and why it is. i used to have a compulsive desire to create it, and enjoyed reading it. now, i am afraid to even try, thinking that my efforts will have the odor of someone trying to write poetry. i don't remember where it comes from, but i'd like to think that real poems just appear as if they have always existed. like: the wind blowing away a hill of sand, revealing a statue. i do have a fear of creating bad poetry, or should i say, more bad poetry, and i'm not talking about other people's work. i mean the notebooks full of blather that i am responsible for.
i'm wondering what poetry is about. philip sydney's defense of poesy says that the poet has a duty to the reader--to teach and to entertain. these things aren't always easy to do.
should a poet tailor his/her poems to an audience, to try to teach something, to entertain? if you can, why wouldn't you? but then again, when that effort is made, what would have been--the natural state of any given poem--is altered, isn't it?
so why do poets write? some say (dramatically), "because they have to." some would say that they just enjoy it, or that is a creative outlet that they need.
what i'm getting at is this:
you've one life, you've one life
you've one life left to lead
-switchfoot
for example, i met a local actor recently. he works as an office manager at a law firm. he's a pretty cool guy, and i asked him if he feels like he's making a difference by working where he's working. he responded by saying that he does because his firm offers defense for people accused of crimes. while they may be guilty, it is necessary for the defense to do it's part to ensure that, if the verdict is "guilty", that it is merited. i was glad to hear that he feels like his job benefits society. i hardly feel that mine does.
i've been thinking about this concept more, lately. "thinking" is maybe too weak of a word. i've been worrying about this concept more, lately. it hits me at random moments, and i feel disappointed with how little i am adding to this world. but when i have to fight so hard just to get a job, it is hard some times to care if i can make an impact on culture, society, life, thought...people. that might be one source of my...it's not writer's block...it's more like writer's apathy. fine. i'll just sit in my apartment and burn wood in my fireplace and NOT write anything.
the way i feel about it tonight is: maybe it's not my job to change the world. or not solely my job. tonight, i feel like it would be better to mean the world to just one person.
i'm wondering what poetry is about. philip sydney's defense of poesy says that the poet has a duty to the reader--to teach and to entertain. these things aren't always easy to do.
should a poet tailor his/her poems to an audience, to try to teach something, to entertain? if you can, why wouldn't you? but then again, when that effort is made, what would have been--the natural state of any given poem--is altered, isn't it?
so why do poets write? some say (dramatically), "because they have to." some would say that they just enjoy it, or that is a creative outlet that they need.
what i'm getting at is this:
you've one life, you've one life
you've one life left to lead
-switchfoot
for example, i met a local actor recently. he works as an office manager at a law firm. he's a pretty cool guy, and i asked him if he feels like he's making a difference by working where he's working. he responded by saying that he does because his firm offers defense for people accused of crimes. while they may be guilty, it is necessary for the defense to do it's part to ensure that, if the verdict is "guilty", that it is merited. i was glad to hear that he feels like his job benefits society. i hardly feel that mine does.
i've been thinking about this concept more, lately. "thinking" is maybe too weak of a word. i've been worrying about this concept more, lately. it hits me at random moments, and i feel disappointed with how little i am adding to this world. but when i have to fight so hard just to get a job, it is hard some times to care if i can make an impact on culture, society, life, thought...people. that might be one source of my...it's not writer's block...it's more like writer's apathy. fine. i'll just sit in my apartment and burn wood in my fireplace and NOT write anything.
the way i feel about it tonight is: maybe it's not my job to change the world. or not solely my job. tonight, i feel like it would be better to mean the world to just one person.
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