you get the people and the government, everybody taking different sides

i've spent hours e-mailing my resume in response to job postings. i know inside that i'll never hear back from any of them. that's just how it goes.

i don't even remember what it's like to feel financially ok. for so long, it has been a mad scramble to pay this or that bill, paying them in the order that they're due; maybe on time, maybe not. i do remember that it was nice to walk into a place and be able to buy something i needed or wanted, without worrying if that would keep me from paying my bills. i had extra money.

geez, what a concept.

FRIEND: D*** it, I'd pay your bills if I could.
ME: So would I, haha.

so i prepare to sell things, slim down, reduce, breathe in, subsist, weather the winter.

baby, you understand me now
if sometimes you see that i'm mad.
doncha know that no one alive can always be an angel?
when everything goes wrong you see some bad.

well i'm just a soul whose intentions are good.
oh lord, please dont let me be misunderstood.

some time, some time, it has been some time. the air is growing colder, and sometimes i give a expectant glance at the fireplace. when will i bother to use that thing? today, maybe, if i get some firewood. or maybe even a starter log.

i sit in a coffee shop, my feet freezing, drinking a soy chai, and listening to 'this end of the telescope' by jakob dylan on my gregory alan isakov Pandora radio play list. it's been raining today. a bad day to own a motorcycle, probably. 50 degrees and raining.

i finally took care of the ticket i got for having an expired registration. lucky me, they dropped the whole thing, since i got my registration and inspection updated. that saved me $155. which is a lot of money to me at the moment.

i was challenged to ask out one girl a week by my friend. at first, i thought it would be a good idea. you know, stepping out there, meeting people, building confidence and all. but the more i thought about it, it seems a little ridiculous. because what's going to happen is that i'm going to end up meeting a lot of the wrong people. quantity does not guarantee quality, you know. no, if i'm going to find someone i like, it's going to be in a place (location) where i am naturally happy. i like art, music, poetry, running, biking, etc. i guess it's about common interests when you meet someone. buying the same kind of tomatoes in the produce section says nothing about relationship potential. striking up a conversation with a stranger as you browse the household cleaner aisle.... i really think that only works in the movies.

but i know my friends are settling down. i feel things changing, common bonds vanishing. that's how it goes, i suppose. how many married couples, especially with kids, do you see hanging out with their friends every other day. they build their own lives.

and those of us who are single, we fit in when the storyline lags.