this is just an attempt to inform the world that people don't leave there houses and head out to public places so they can listen to other people's cell phone ring tones. i've never once had the pleasure of hearing someone else's phone ringing and thinking to myself "i sure hope they don't answer that, because i'm having such a great time listening to it from across the cafe." seriously, if you're gonna be in a quiet place and plan on receiving a lot of phone calls, how about trying the "vibrate" option? thanks.

the art of silence

there was a time when i could listen to music in my car. granted, there were only 2 working speakers, but i could still pretend that it sounded good when i was the only one in the car. sadly, though, i am now down to one speaker, and the other drowns it out with a buzzing crackle that is unbearable. so i've had a lot more time to think, lately, in the silence of my car. it's either that or i can sing to myself, and honestly i'm not a big fan of my own voice (no, that wasn't an attempt to earn pity points). so what have i been thinking about? well, life. and my life in particular. a lot of the time i think about what is wrong with my life, and what is wrong with me. for example, i wonder if i have ever really loved anyone, whether in a brotherly love or a love love sort of way. i'd like to think that i have. i believe that i love my family, and my friends. but what if i "love" my family because they raised me or grew up with me. what if i "love" my friends because they make me laugh. what if i "loved" some girl because i liked the way she smiled and looked at me out of the corner of her eye. perhaps i'm over-analyzing things. but i read verses like those found in 1 corinthians 13, and try to run through them like a checklist. am i patient? am i kind? do i insist on my own way? am i resentful or do i bear all things? does my "love" ever end? how can i read verses like this and still feel like i have no idea what love is? the reason i ask this is that i have a history of liking a girl and not wanting to move on from pursuing that relationship, even when all signs point to "for the love of all things holy, let go!". so i wonder "did i ever really love her?" maybe, maybe not? or do i just have to learn how to give her a different kind of love...a brotherly love? man, i start thinking about this and all the sudden it doesn't make any sense.

"There are three things that are too amazing for me,
four that I do not understand:
the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a maiden."


so by now you all should be thinking "somebody get that kid some speakers". financial contributions welcome.

another day, another page

Are you surprised to find me dying?
Broken so long ago and just barely
clinging to an old feeling, a dream,
and now laying here before you
with no feeling to unify all
the helpless pieces of a dream.

Your hair curled in whispy waves,
swirled in a radiating feeling
that burned me down to ruins;
I woke to find
a pile of ashes, stone, nothing.
You could kill me with a grin.

I searched for you more than anything,
hoped to pass you on a street,
to meet you again for the first time.
The worst days - when you were absent-
came to me like news of war,
a merciless gun in my face.

Ready, loaded down with empty ways
of keeping me alert, always aware
of the searching through cooling ashes,
of the daylight running out from tired veins,
a heart too mechanical for its own purpose.
Tell me, is that the truth?

I'll hold your hand, lie still, cry
about the way your hair still curls,
falls through the cracks, tangles up
in this heart of metal and wire,
my absent life grinding to a hault
as I explain I was never


he stopped there, finished the last of his coffee, and closed his moleskin notebook. what is it about this pen, this cafe, this time of day, this town, that always makes him feel like leaving? of all the people who have ever lived on this earth, why him? why fill his heart with

they'll never really know this,
this laying in the dark,
staring at the walls,
restless, counting heartbeats,
wondering how to turn thinking off,
wreck this train of thought.
spinning fan, spinning fan,
moving air, darkened walls.
endless prayers of help me this,
tell me that, please, please.
spinning fan while wondering
where He is, what He wants.
give me, heartbeats, mercy, tears.
show me, restless, daylight soon.
they'll never really know this.

The Luminazine: To Infinity and More Infinity

According to modern science, the moon is about 240,000 miles away from the Earth. according to my odometer, my car has traveled that far, plus another 30,000 miles. That means i could've driven to the moon and been on my way back by now. Of course it would have taken me 112.5 days of non-stop driving at 100 mph, which i'm guessing is pushing the top speed of my car. if i were on my way back, my "houston, we have a problem..." message would include "...no A/C..." and "...umm, how exactly do i land this thing?!"

everyone listen up, i have an announcment to make. as of right now, the united states is no longer made up of 50 states. i've been thinking about it, and it's just not working out. it's not you, it's me. so what we're going to do is this (please refer to the new american map for clarity): all the lands within the former US borders are now reserved for single guys only, with the eastern portion reserved for me. this means all you single girls need to pack your things and move to mexico. buen suerte y vaya con Dios. as for all you married people, please note that the map shows your new homelands to be in canada. if you have kids, you can live in the east where there are already cities and canadians. if you don't have kids, i'm sorry, but it looks like the cold middle of nowhere for you, eh? and old people, have fun in the area formerly known as alaska.

now, i understand that in order for these areas to maintain their newly assigned identities, there will have to be more married people, married people with babies, and old people. for this reason, i will allow single girls to follow the "California Trail", which runs through single guy land to the west of the rocky mountains. during their passage, these girls can get married and continue moving north towards the land of the married people.

well, that's about all i have to say. don't forget to use the buddy system. and if there are any questions, dial 911.